Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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