oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
