Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
