I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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