I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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