Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
