it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
