I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
