I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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