dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
