I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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