I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
