Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
