So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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