I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
