Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God I need to hump something, right now.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize