Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
