I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The power of my boobs compel you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
