whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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