she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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