She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
