I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
