So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
