I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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