she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
