Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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