She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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