Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
