I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
