A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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