When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize