there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
