I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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