dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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