Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
