My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
