At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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