Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
