you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
