I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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