Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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