I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
