Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you repeat that, but with context?
how drunk are you?
Several
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
