Nicole vs. Life
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
