Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize