I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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