Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she smelled like a LAN party
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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