So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
