Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
don't judge my taste in strippers
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
