So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
