We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
