Plan B is the new Plan A
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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