I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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