We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
