What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
