brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
