You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
