I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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