you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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