The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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