Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
