My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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