I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
