he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
