My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Panties = found
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
