we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
