brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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