I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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