everyone is single if you try hard enough
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
