If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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