question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
