why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
