We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
