Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize